


Torment

by Hanzel_Watson



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Broken Bones, Broken Castiel, Burns, Castiel Angst, Castiel Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Castiel Whump, Chases, Comforting Sam, Comforting Sam Winchester, F/M, Fear, Heartbroken Castiel, Human Castiel, Hurt Castiel, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Original Character(s), Pain, Plot Twists, Protective Castiel, Protective Dean Winchester, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Running Away, Serious Injuries, Survival, Traumatized Castiel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-03
Updated: 2017-01-05
Packaged: 2018-08-19 10:30:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 14,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8202128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hanzel_Watson/pseuds/Hanzel_Watson
Summary: Season 9 setting. That's all y'all will get :). I don't like spoilers.





	1. The Escape

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Long Exposure](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7752889) by [Rosewhipped](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rosewhipped/pseuds/Rosewhipped). 



Pain slowly crept up my arm. Jesus Christ. I wanted to scream in pain. Instead, I bit my bottom lip, hard. The taste of blood in my mouth calmed my down. Got to stay smart, got to survive.

Sweat pooled over my brows, the smoke filled my lungs. I was having trouble breathing. Maybe this wasn't the best idea in the world. But I have to get out. I can't stay here. Not after what they.... No, focus. 'Get out get out get out' I repeat the mantra like a lifeline.

The fire was spreading throughout the building now. Not much time left before the roof would cave in. I told Hana to get whoever else she could find. We had raced in opposite directions, scouring for other people trapped in this hellhole.

There was now a door to my right. The audacity of those wretched beings.... How many people did they even lock up here? The door was made of steel but the wooden frame was weakening from the fire. A couple of shoulder blows was all it took to make it give way.

The fire hadn't gotten into this room yet. Good. It looked just like my room used to. Stage in the middle, table to the side. I could make out a pair of handcuffs, a blade and a gun on the table, along with other torture devices I had the pleasure of not thinking about too much.

In the middle of the stage, there was a figure lying on the cold cement floor. He was badly injured and sputtering for breaths of air. Oh God. Quickly running over, I knelt by his side and tried helping him up. Shit. He slipped and nearly fell, an impact that would bring quite a nasty concussion to his already bruised face. This guy was way too weak to get himself anywhere.

The air was becoming compressing, pushing inwards on our bodies. I had trouble breathing; I dared not imagine how the man in front of me was doing. In a final act of desperation, I crammed my hands and arms underneath his torso. No point being gentle and slow in this particular situation. Putting in all of my strength, I heaved the man to a vertical position. Why did I skip out on high school gym? He was heavy beyond belief, though his frame was thin and sunken in. Once sitting, I placed my arms under his shoulders and lifted him up off the ground. More smoke at a higher level, great. I started coughing; the fire was starting to catch up. My lungs burned like acid. Switching my stance so that I was now beside the man and supporting him by the waist and under his shoulders, I dragged him back to the doorway. In that moment I decided that heat and summer is overrated. This was like being trapped in a slowly shrinking box.

Outside the room, the fire was swallowing the wooden walls around us. We were standing in a circular hallway encompassing a large open storage space in the middle. There were sex and torture related devices to fulfill all your heart's desires in that space. I nearly vomited, were I not in such a life threatening situation.

I saw Hana rounding the curve to my right: she had another guy with her. He was taller than all of us, blond hair that was on the verge of being burned to a crisp, and extremely thin structure. Not that different from the rest of us, as those fucking assholes never bothered to even properly feed us.

"Is that all of them?" I nearly yelled over the roar of the flames before they even got to us.

She nodded in response, pulling the taller man's hand as they kept running.

Think. What do we do now? Get out. But we won't survive on our own. I grabbed a bag from the pile of disgusting instruments in front of me and tossed it to Hana once she was within a reasonable distance.

"You two! Fill this up with useful stuff! Food, water, clothing, weapons, anything you can find. Meet us in my room!" I hollered before turning my back and hauling the man beside me to where I had come from. As much as I loathed that room, it was our only escape.

I knew that we were heading to the heart of the fire, where it had started. This was not going to be easy on my buddy's lungs. We entered through the open doorway; the door had burned and hanged uselessly from its hinges. The two corpses were in exactly the same spots as where I had left them, except their skin was burned and I could see bits of bloody bones showing underneath some of the muscle.

We reached the stage and I practically had to lift the man off his feet so we could climb over the small step. The heat was almost intolerable at this point. My skin had formed bright red blisters and was searing like eggs on the California pavement. I realized that I was unconsciously groaning and exclaiming loudly at the pain. I couldn't help myself. The man I was holding remained silent and barely moved. After much straining, we got to the back of the room. The fire wasn't as intense here, but there really wasn't much of a comparison when dealing with skin frying temperatures. I quietly wished Hana and the tall guy would finish up faster and help me.

I had kept my eyes on this area ever since my first day here. The wall caved out at the very top and I could make out the outline of a window. Of course, it was closed; they didn't want anyone escaping, did they? But it didn't seem too thick. With the right tool.... Hana and the other one burst through the flames into my room, both carrying full backpacks. Thank goodness. There should be enough supplies for all four of us if we need them.

"This way!" I practically screamed over the noise. "Give me something hard!"

Hana swung the pack over her shoulder so it was in front of her, unzipped the biggest pocket and scrambled through the things inside until she found what she was searching for. With a smooth motion she threw me a small dagger. That'll have to do. I caught it by its blade and cut my palms. No time to worry about that right now though. I leaned the man with me against the wall. He seemed steady enough, well, as steady as you could be in this situation. Turning around, dagger clasped in one hand, I reached up. My fingertips could just grasp the ledge created by the wall. I felt hands on my waist lifting me up. It was the tall guy. He and Hana had arrived at our end of the room, and he was helping me up. With the last bits of effort I hoisted myself up onto the ledge. There wasn't much space between it and the ceiling, and I was crammed. The smoke was thickest here. I was coughing uncontrollably by now.

I thought about giving up. The smoke clouded my mind like it clouded the room. It would be so easy to lie down and end all the shit that happened to me over the past three weeks... But those three other human beings below were relying on me. They weren't giving up yet, well, to my understanding. They had went through the same torture that I did, and if they want to escape, then I'll fight to my last drop of blood to make it happen.

Pressing my back against the ceiling, I stretched the hand with the dagger as far back as it could and brought the butt of the handle against the glass with a sound that I suspected was loud, but I couldn't hear anymore. The ringing in my ears was too strong. I saw the glass had cracked at the point of impact. One more time, the crack widened. I was running out if air. My hand was sweating and my grip was loosening. Every inch if my body was burning, literally.

Last try. My aunt always used to say that "third time's the charm." She better be right. I swung the dagger against the glass. The blow sent shakes down my body. And the glass finally gave way.

 

 


	2. Fresh Air

Cool air rushed in and soothed over my body. I wanted to climb out and get away from this soul clenching smoke, but I had a promise to myself to keep. 

I turned around and laid down on my belly. The shards of glass still attached to the window frame penetrated my skin. I could feel the wetness of my blood coming out onto the tattered remains of my shirt. I gestured for the man I had carried to be first. He was likely to die if he didn't get some fresh air soon. Even from a distance above, I could see that he looked more sickly than all of us. 

Hana grabbed him from the front, the tall guy from the back. Working together, they lifted him so I could reach and seize him from under his shoulders. All three of us managed to push and pull him to the top of ledge and I hauled him out the window behind me. Hana was next. Having a tall member in our group was really fortunate. He pushed her up and I helped her as she pulled herself beside me, pack slung over one shoulder. I heard an explosion coming from somewhere within the house. Not long before the roof would cave in. There might not be time for the remaining man... 

No. We are not leaving until everyone is out. He reached up and placed his hands on the ledge. Hana and I took hold of his upper arms and heaved up, at the same time moving backwards out the window. There wouldn't be enough space for all three of us on that ledge. Once his torso crossed the ledge he dragged the rest of his body up, grunting from the effort. Most of his face was covered with blood and burns. He barely climbed through the window before the supports of the house gave way and tumbled, sending heat and smoke plumes into the night. 

The explosion shoved me backwards. My eyes stung from the ashes. I waved a hand in front of my face to clear some of the smoke away. My throat was hoarse from coughing. As shitty as I felt, we were free. This was over. We could go back to our lives.... 

I heard shouting nearby. Fuck. This wasn't over. I called out to Hana and the others as quietly as possible. Getting on my hands and knees, I crawled around, trying to find them. The smoke cleared a bit, and I could see the three of them a few feet away. Hana and the tall dude were on their hands and knees, while the other man was still lying on his back, just as I had left him. The voices were getting closer. We had to get up. We had to run away. Though, I doubt they could even see us. Aside from the smoke, the darkness made it difficult to see anything farther than 10 feet away. 

I reached the others. "We have to get out of here. They'll find us soon," I mumbled, my words almost indistinguishable. My muscles ached and barely moved, as if I'd just gotten a full body numbing agent at the dentist's office. 

Hana's speech was a little better; "Carry the packs. Tom and I will carry this other one." 

They handed me the packs. Though I was glad they brought lots of supplies, they really were quite heavy. I slung one over each shoulder. Shakily, I began to stand up. It was as if I hadn't walked in three years. Hana and Tom were already working on lifting up the immobile man. With one of them on either side, they were able to balance out the weight. Just to make sure, I reached my hand out under the motionless man's nose and mouth. It was faint, but I could feel air being sucked in and breathed out. Thank God. He was still alive. Though, what sort of permanent damage he might have, it was impossible to tell. Most of it would be mental, probably. I sighed. Why did this happen to us?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's a bit short, (sorry) I promise the next one will be longer


	3. On the Run

I led the way as we started walking. Every second, the smoke cleared more and I could see better, but it meant that we had less and less time before we were spotted. The house was a huge pile of rubble and wood, though there was still some structure left to it. The fire wasn't as strong as it was before, or it might've seemed that way because we were no longer inside of it. The mean had escaped to the front of the house; we could hear them talking. We had escaped on the right, so the corner hid us from sight. But once the fire would die down, the smoke coming out of the window I smashed would lead the men here to investigate.

I tried scanning the surroundings and try to get my bearings. It was so dark. Wait, was that a pine? Multiple pines actually. Shit, we were in a forest. Well, I guess I shouldn't have expected to have four sex slaves kept in a downtown, public area. But that brought a major problem: how far to civilization? We just need to get to a road. The road will lead to a city or a gas station. Find out where we are after which call for help and get the fuck back to our own lives. My nagging subconscious reminded me that I had no one even to call, much less a life to return to.

"Shut up," I spat, out loud, unintentionally.

"What?" Hana whispered behind me.

I shook the subject off; "Nothing."

Focus. I thought about scouring the area and eavesdropping on those filthy men, but decided against it. What was there to eavesdrop? And there was no way I wanted to look at one of them, or even come any closer than I had to.

"So what's the plan?" Tom asked.

Yes, what is the plan? Getting to civilization was less important right now. We had to get away and not get caught doing it. I shuddered at the idea of what would happen if we got caught.

Motioning for the others to follow, I stepped forward towards the woods.

We had just walked a few steps when Tom lost his balance. It happened in slow motion. I turned my head in time to see him falling, probably tripped on something in the dark. But I was helpless. I couldn't do anything but watch it unfold. Hana grabbed his hand at the last second so he avoided colliding painfully to the ground. However, by reaching for Tom she let go of the man she was supporting. He fell onto his knees and I could hear a fain crunch. Shit. His eyes finally flew open and he groaned oh so loud. Double shit. I raced back towards them. Tom was already getting back up but the damage was done. No doubt the men heard us. A few seconds left until they get here. I grabbed a fistful of the man's shirt and dragged him up. Adrenaline pounded threw my body ten-fold. I could not get caught. No. Not again... Not being able to care less about his broken knees, I hoisted the man up. Hana had grabbed him too. We started running towards the wood, Tom close behind. The men's shouting sounded from behind us. They were on our tail. As we entered the wood, pine leaves slapped my face and got into my wounds. Bet little red riding hood never told you about how fucking annoying pines are when you're running for your life. But they hid us from sight a bit. Tom got close enough for me to pass the man to him so I had less to carry.

"I see them!" Shit. They weren't far behind. This chase was terrifying. I tripped on nearly every step and my heart pounded. My hands were in front of me in case I collided with a tree. We really were entering into pitch darkness, and I had to lead the way. Think. We got to lose them. How? Noise. They don't have sight. They're relying on noise. This better work. I hunched down and scooped up the largest rock I laid my hand on. Then another. And another. Soon I was carrying a pile of fairly large rocks. I slowed down so I was within whispering distance from the others.

"On my mark, stop and move right behind a tree. And stay quiet."

We carried on running until I saw a window of opportunity. I turned my head back and mouthed "NOW!"

I had calculated the moment to have a tree directly to our right. Hana and Tom stopped and tiptoed out of sight. I dropped my packs next to them, faced away from where we were standing and threw a rock at the high parts of a tree, as far away as I could. That got the desired effect. The branches shuddered and leaves and pine cones rained down, creating rustling noises. I moved forward a bit and threw more rocks, trying to hit them in a diagonal direction from us.

"That way!" I heard men shouting behind us. After a few seconds, the sounds of them running seemed to be farther away. I let myself exhale. I had run out of rocks, so I slid behind the tree next to the others. The man we had carried was sitting, leaning against the tree. His eyes were closed again. For the first time, I actually was able to examine his face. His hair was a dark colour, his skin tan but pale. Stubble framed the underside of his face.

Tom was crouching beside him. He and Hana seemed to be looking at me for instructions. Jeez, no pressure.

"We'll stay here for a while, then continue in that direction," I pointed away from where I had misguided the men. "Right now, we can relax and look through our supplies and any emergency injuries. Agreed?" The two conscious ones nodded. Right, okay. Let's see what we have. I knelt down and pulled the packs closer to me. Shuffling through, I made a mental catalog of what we had. First aid kit, (good, though it might not be enough), canned food (the same stuff they gave us to eat, I felt sick), two water bottles, one of which was empty, about ten yards of rope (very good), some vitamins, two daggers, a knife and a gun. I checked how many bullets there were: four. That'll have to do. Aside from that, there were about five sets of oversized clothes, two different sized batons, and 4 boxes of matchsticks (hallelujah!), and... A bag of beef jerky? Well then. Never know when you're out in the woods and want some delicious, organic beef jerky. Actually, that might attract bears, so we should eat it pretty soon.

Once we put everything back, we started examining our health. We all had multiple third degree burns and a lot of blood loss. Probably why I felt so shaky to the knees. Or maybe it was just the fact that it was nighttime, and I was stuck in the woods with three people I had just met today, two packs of supplies and a group of crazy motherfuckers looking for us. My thigh had a huge gash and my stomach was bleeding almost nonstop from where it was cut by the glass. Bruises and a wide arrange of other small wounds covered my skin. The bruises will ache tomorrow. The cuts were the real problem. Even if we did have enough food and water and matches, we would die from infections or sickness. I took off my tattered shirt. I wrapped some cloth around my finger and licked my parched tongue on the salty cloth. Oh well. Bracing myself, I started first on my stomach gashes. I had remained mostly numb while running, but this will hurt like hell. Shit. I looked up and saw that Tom was staring and was squirming a bit, as if uncomfortable.

"Really, after everything, this is what gets you?" But my classiness was ruined by the fact that I had started giggling. Oh it felt good. First time I had giggled in, well, three weeks. Tom and Hana also smiled. Hana took off her shirt too and copied my idea, using it to clean up her wounds as best she could. Right. Get back to work. I dabbed around the cuts on my stomach. Fuck. Oh God. I wanted to scream. Tears pooled in my eyes. OK, calm down. Breath in, breath out. I found my "calming", motherly parody of a subconscious to be highly annoying. I tried instead to focus on the sounds of the trees sleeping. Animals scuttered through the branches every once in a while. Crickets called out to their loved ones. It reminded me of the stories my aunt used to tell me about the male crickets leaving home in the morning and returning in the evening, only to find that the sun had already set over the horizon so they couldn't find their families. The cricketing helped them find their way back home. If only there was someone out there who cricketed to me when I got lost...

I found that the pain in my stomach was much more tolerable. Once the blood was wiped away, it really wasn't that bad. I stuck a large bandaid over the majority of the wound and another one on my thigh once it was cleaned up too. I scrubbed the rest of my body and started feeling much better. Hana and Tom were improving as well. It was then that I realized we had forgotten the man leaning against the tree. Shit. He was incapable of taking care if his own wounds, and he was just dragged through a fire and then forest, neither of which would have provided much benefit to his recovery. I crawled over to him and brought the first aid kit with me. Tom and Hana didn't need it as much as he did.

"Oh what have they done to you?" I murmured. I cupped his face between my hands and studied the damage. His eyes were sunken in and his cheeks hollow. There was more bruised skin then not, of all different colours. He'd been in that house for quite a while. I'd say about a month and a half judging from the faintest bruises. Fuck. How did he survive?

His shirt was bloody and sticky, so I gently lifted his arms and pulled it over his head. This would have to be quick, or he'll get cold. Low body heat was the last thing he needed. I used my own shirt because it was drier and wiped away the dried and wet blood. Once his front and face was done, I pulled his shoulder forward and reached the cloth down his back. Fuck. Marks from whips decorated his back. The skin around each mark was darker and felt tender. They burned him...

As I worked, avoiding his burns, he started producing noises from the back of his throat. When I pulled back to look at him, his eyes were opening. Then widening. His groans were becoming louder. Shut up they'll hear us! I firmly placed my hand over his mouth. He needed to stay quiet.

"Stay quiet." I whispered. He stopped immediately, obediently. My chest clenched. Those bastards took away all of his free will. I tried comforting him, telling him we won't hurt him. "We escaped. We're just like you. Calm down. Those men won't ever touch you again, as long as they don't find us. That's why we have to stay quiet, okay?" His head moved up and down, the motion so small I barely caught it. He still acted as if he was scared of what we would do to him if he disagreed. His mental recovery will take quiet a while. I sighed and removed my hand from his mouth. I really shouldn't have touched him without his willing permission.

"Hana, pass me one of the shirts," I murmured back to her. She looked through the packs and pulled an oversized, dark maroon T-shirt out, handing it to me. I took it and offered it to the scared man in front of me. He just blinked in response. Oh well. Its hypothermia or the shirt. I slowly moved my hands towards his wrists, making what I was doing clear. It didn't help. He started hyperventilating, breathing in and out too fast. I could hear the pain behind each inhale. Broken ribs, probably. OK, change of plans. Let's get this over with, goodbye slow and steady. I lifted his arms up and pulled the new shirt over his head. His eyes could not get any wilder, or more scared. Guilt spread through my body. But he would have died from the pressure on his lungs if he continued breathing so quickly.

"Change of plans. We'll continue moving tomorrow. This man is in no condition to even stand up right now," I told the others.

Hana thought for a second, then replied back, "But we'll have to start as early as possible tomorrow. Make sure he's ready to move in the morning."

"Okay. You two should get some sleep. I'll take first watch," I mumbled.

Hana and Tom took out the rest of the spare clothes we had and used them as blankets, huddling close to conserve body temperature. I stood up and tidied up the area, hanging all our dirty clothes on low hanging branches and placing everything back into the packs, food and water in one, the rest into the other. I could see that the man leaning against the tree was staring at me the whole time. Once I finished, I walked back to him and sat down. He pressed himself against the tree. I sighed and shuffled back a bit.

"I need to look at your wounds so that we can keep moving tomorrow. I won't hurt you, I'm just trying to help." The man looked at me as though he didn't understand the words coming out of my mouth. Reaching down, I straightened his legs so he would be more comfortable. Every time I touched him, it seemed as if he was scared I'd burn him. OK. Got to calm him down. Small talk.

"My name is Mems, by the way. What's your name?" I asked. He didn't reply, just kept watching me and my every move. Well, that was an utter dog's breakfast. He flinched when I tilted his right leg. Oh shit. Please don't be a broken leg. I lifted up his pant leg. His calf was positioned at an extremely odd angle. Yup, its a broken leg. Craptastic. I cursed under my breath. The man whimpered, though he tried to keep quiet.

"It's okay, everything's gonna be okay, hear me?" I tried. I'm not exactly Mr. Comforting.

I heard him say something in that moment. The sound was so very faint. I looked up into his eyes in surprise.

"What did you say?" I inquired. He was silent for a few moments, as if remembering something, something nasty.

"Cas-tiel," I heard him croak. "My name... Is Castiel."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it for now... I'll post the next chapter next week. Let me know what you think (comments, questions, concerns, suggestions, and so forth).
> 
> Till next week


	4. Doctor's Visit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel begins his long-deserved healing

"That's a very beautiful name," I said. "It's the name of an angel, you know."

Castiel winced, but I wasn't touching his wounds. I arched my eyebrow but he didn't elaborate, so I let the matter drop.

Right, okay. His legs were now stretched in front of him, his right one still bent at an unnatural angle. The man was really struggling not to make any noises, but I could see he was in extreme pain. And how was he supposed to walk tomorrow? I need to fix his leg, and I need to do it now so it can heal a bit overnight. Cast. Something to use as a cast.... Oh! Oh I'm a bloody genius. My face lit up and Castiel's became confused.

"Give me two seconds." I grabbed the 'other' category pack and dug through it until I found what I was looking for. My hand emerged with the two batons.

The instant he saw the weapons Castiel's expression turned to one of horror. He tried dragging himself away from me with his hands, mouthing "Please, please no!" Tears began to pool in his eyes.

Ok, bad idea. I dropped the batons and raised my hands up in surrender.

"It's okay. I'm not going to hurt you. I just want to use them to make a cast." I put on my soothing voice.

He still didn't believe me.

"Get away! Please, please. Mercy please! Don't hurt me!" His parched speech was frantic; it broke my heart. 'You don't have a heart,' my subconscious sneered. Not the time, I'm busy! I locked her away at the back of my mind so I could deal with her later. This was about someone else.

I leaned forward and cupped his face in my hands again. He whimpered at my touch and closed his eyes, expecting to be hit. I didn't do anything. I didn't say anything. I let him figure it out on his own. After a while, his noises stopped. He opened his eyes.

"Friend," I said, pronouncing every letter as clearly as I could.

"Don't hurt," he whispered.

I nodded. "It's okay. I'll make it better."

"Okay."

There we go. Progress. I'm fucking Dr. Phil over here. I gently let go of his face, beaming at my accomplishment. The fear slowly seeped out from his body, and I thought I could see a small smile forming on his lips.

I opened the first aid kit and took out the pain relievers. We are really going to burn through these quickly. I gave the lid a twist and and shook the bottle into my palm so two small red pills could fall out.

"Here, take these. It'll help with the pain." I offered them to Castiel. He still looked doubtful. "Friend," I repeated. "Trust me."

After a pause he finally made up his mind and opened his lips. I placed the two round pain relievers onto his tongue and took the full water bottle out of the pack, drizzling a bit into his mouth. He swallowed the pills and licked his lips, desperate to conserve every bit of liquid. He does need to drink. I lifted the bottle up to show that he could drink some more. His eyes lit up and he greedily dropped his jaw while I poured the water. He looked kind of cute actually, were it not for the bad shape he was currently in.

"We have to save the water until it rains," I apologized when I removed the bottle. He huffed in frustration, then immediately regretted it. His body arched upwards and he clenched every muscle on his face. Fuck. I forgot about his ribs. Ok. Chest first, then leg.

"You know, you're very lucky," I tried distracting him. "I studied medicine and human biology as an undergraduate in university."

He looked at me in a do-you-really-think-that-would-make-me-feel-better kind of way. Jeez he's a grumpy one. Though I guess he deserves to be at this moment. I searched through the first aid kit for the gauze, then placed it close to me so it was at my disposal.

"I'm going to have to lift your shirt up and see how you're ribs are doing," it was more of a question of permission. He seemed as if having someone touch him was the last thing he wanted, but in the end he relented.

"Go...ahead," he told me.

I tugged up on the hem of his shirt and knotted it through the neck hole so it wouldn't fall back down. Then I grasped the top of his hips and pushed them back so he was sitting straighter. He was really uncomfortable when I touched that area, but didn't say a word. Once upright, I felt around his ribcage to see if there was anything actually broken. There was the most bruising on the left side, so I tried to feel the bones there as softly as I could. He flinched when I was on a certain spot.

"Pain," he groaned.

"Is that where you have most pain?" I asked.

He scoffed. Yeah, I guess it was a stupid question.

My fingers didn't feel anything out of place, so my guess was a fracture. Great. Fractures I can deal with. I split the little gauze I had into half. The first half I slowly wrapped around Castiel's torso, at the height of the fracture. There was just enough to go around four times, but the strip was fairly wide, so it covered most of the area.

On to the leg. I'm going to have to snap it back into place. Shit, I've only ever practiced on dummies. Adrenaline pumped through my veins. Well, here goes nothing. I unbuckled my belt. He eyed my nervously.

"You're bone is not where it should be," I explained, while folding the belt into thirds. "And we don't have any morphine to put you under, so we'll have to go old school. Put the belt between your teeth; I've heard that it helps, and it'll keep you quiet."

I saw that Castiel was shaking. Yeah, I would be too. He opened his jaw and I placed the belt where he could bite it.

"I want you to look up at the sky and focus on a star. I know its hard to see but just try to find one, just to have you focus on something else and not look at what I'm doing. I don't know if you have a weak stomach," I told him, getting ready for what I was about to do.

Everything was set and Castiel wasn't looking. In one motion, well, my mind raised its shields against the gory details and I couldn't quite remember what happened in that instance. Castiel wasn't doing as well. He had managed to stay completely quiet, but he was practically at death's door. Fuck. I increased my work speed. I placed the two batons on either side of the now straight bone, and taking the rest of the gauze, I wrapped it around and around the now bleeding mess. I suddenly got worried that I didn't clean off the blood, but on second thought, dried blood could help seal up the wound. I made sure the gauze was tight and clipped it with a pin. The smell of blood was pungent in the air and filled my nostrils. I wrapped my old shirt around the gauze and batons to cushion the bone more and to soak up any excess blood.

"Its done." I leaned back, the traumatic event fresh in my mind and playing on non-stop repeat. Castiel slowly lowered his head, heaving heavily. He examined my craftsmanship on his leg.

"Being human isn't easy," was all he said.

I chuckled, "Yeah, tell me about it." But something about his expression told me there was another meaning to his words. Huh. Well, he kept it together better than most people would, and the cast should help heal his leg.

"You did really well, just so you know,"

He looked at me in surprise.

"Thanks," He replied.

"You should really get some sleep."

"Okay."

I made sure he was comfortable against his tree and gave him some water, along with calcium supplements that I found in the packs to let his bone repair itself quicker.

He closed his eyes, and soon his breathing became less pained and more evened out. I watched his chest move in and out until it was time for me to wake Tom up for his turn. I laid myself down beside Hana and fell asleep almost instantly. And despite all the crap that happened today, I had the best sleep I've had in three weeks.

Until the nightmares came.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe not the most medically accurate work.... But hey, no one's perfect, right?


	5. Bearings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group finds the path to civilization, but it isn't going to be easy

I knew this part by heart already. Every night I dreamt of the same thing. But it never stopped terrifying me.

I had just had an interview with the manager of the ER unit at the hospital I applied to. It wasn't my first choice, but the pay was good and the position had a pretty flexible schedule. I was really excited going home. Mrs. Robinson, the manager, seemed to like me, and I thought the interview went quite well. I turned right into an alley to cut through the walk home. I was familiar with the area.

As I dreamt, I wished I could run. I wished I could turn around, never come back to that place. But it was as if my muscles were listening to someone else. My feet dragged me forward, even as my head screamed for them to stop. I hated this part. No. No. Not again. I knew what would happen, and there was no way to stop it, no matter how much I dreamt this nightmare.

It was a rainy Thursday morning, so most people were indoors or at work. That's why I didn't bother yelling for help when someone snuck up behind me. That's why I didn't bother yelling for help when they pressed chloroform to my mouth. That's why I didn't bother yelling for help when I sunk deeper and deeper into the dark, and in the end, fainted.

When my mind regained consciousness, I tasted a gag in my mouth. Sweat on my face and body. My breathing was harsh and laboured I was strewn across a man's shoulder. My head ached, and there was a pain in my hips and surrounding areas. FUCK. Did he just fucking really do that?! Rage boiled in my stomach. But my body betrayed me. I could feel my weakness. I couldn't exactly out-fight this guy. His shoulders were pretty wide and he was of good build. Hm. Gotta outsmart the bastard.

I then noticed that he was carrying me somewhere. We weren't even in the same alleyway anymore. It was dark, and garbage littered the cement. Oh god, I almost vomited, but managed to keep my lunch inside.

I tried weighing my options. No weapons. Maybe a blow to the head? No, my position wouldn't allow for quick, sudden movements. Start kicking and screaming? Probably get a broken nose, and my energy would be wasted. Jesus this guy needs to lay off the cologne. It was the cheap kind, and cloaked in the smell of cigarettes. I couldn't think properly with the smell. Ugh. Focus, Mems, focus. What should I do? Play dead? No, hard to fake not breathing. Coma? That'll do. I shut my eyes and made my body go limp. I hoped he'd get tired of me and just drop me somewhere. Move on. Leave me alone. Oh I was so naive...

"Mems! Mems! Wake up," Someone was shaking me. I moaned. Stop it. Don't touch me. Please. Go away. Whoever they were, they continued. Until I felt a sharp sting to my cheek and a slapping noise. I jolted awake. I saw Hana leaning over me. It was clearly morning; the sun had just started peaking over the horizon.

"Ow," I complained, rubbing the side of my face.

"Yeah, well you had your chance to do it the easy way." Hana stood up, sneering.

I grumbled as I stood up. Not my fault I was trapped inside my own head. The hair on the back of my neck stood up at the thought of my nightmare. I shook it off. New day.

"How's he doing?" I gestured to Castiel.

"I don't know, you get the honour of waking up the most mentally disturbed out of all of us," Hana smugly smiled.

I sighed in exasperation. Ok. I walked over to where he still leaned against the tree and crouched down.

"Hey, Castiel. Wake up. We gotta start moving now," I didn't dare touch him in his sleep. That's the most harm I would be able to do to him.

"Dean, five more minutes... Please," he mumbled. At least his sleep wasn't plagued by fear and agony. I felt a tiny bit of guilt at putting an end to his happy place; he looked almost... Content.

"Castiel, we have to move now," I urged.

He groaned but opened his eyes. At first his eyes were disoriented. Then he remembered last night and snapped back to reality.

"Will I be able to stand?" He asked, his morning voice groggy.

"We better hope so," I replied. Tom walked over. I leaned down and slowly reached under Castiel's shoulders. Tom copied my movements. The morning and the sleep seemed to calm Castiel, and he barely flinched when we touched him.

"On three. One... Two... Three," Tom and I exchanged a nod and tugged upwards.

Castiel moaned a bit, but looked good overall. Never letting go of him, I moved around and placed his arm on my shoulders. It would support his right side, where his leg was broken.

"Bend your knee and don't put pressure on that leg," I instructed. He did as I told him. Still the obedient, scared boy. The thought made me sad.

"Are we ready to move?" Hana asked.

"Yep."

"Good to go."

Castiel whimpered instead. But we had no choice, really. We had to get away as far as we could and find a road; our supplies wouldn't last forever. Tom and Hana each grabbed a pack.

It was slow going. Castiel had to lean on me every second step to avoid putting weight on his broken leg. He really was trying to go faster. His face was paling and sweat pooled on his forehead. After about 45 minutes, I decided this wasn't good for him. We needed a break.

"Hey guys," I called out to Tom and Hana; they were generally twenty feet or so ahead of us. They stopped and waited until we caught up. Hana pitied Castiel. There was a look of slight annoyance on Tom's face. I threw him a threatening glance, daring him to say something. He lost the battle of wits and resorted to staring at his shoes. Served him right. We were not going to leave anyone behind.

"Breakfast?" I suggested to Hana. She nodded and swung her pack around, pulling out the jerky and a can of corn. Interesting mix. I helped Castiel over to a tree so I could set him down and stretch a bit. We ate mostly in silence for about ten minutes. Then I got an idea. Shoving the last piece of jerky into my mouth, I rubbed my hands together to clean the salt and fat off.

"You guys wait here," I told them. Then I walked over to the nearest tree, stepped up onto the lowest brach, and once I felt enough support, began climbing. If I got high enough, maybe I could get a sense of where we were and needed to be headed.

Leaves found their way into my face; I brushed them away, annoyed. Jeez, Edward Cullen made this look easy. The smell of pine cones made me dizzy and the branches blocked my vision. A branch nearly snapped when I put my foot on it. Gotta lay off the fatty stuff.

After much struggling, the leaves began to disperse and the branches became thinner. I estimated that I was about three quarters of the way to the top. Should be high enough. Stepping on the thickest branch I could find and holding on to the ones around it, I shimmied away from the trunk. The wind was so powerful up there, it almost made me lose my balance. Shit! OK. Steady. Steady. Getting my bearings, I looked down. Wow. The ground was really, really far down. Really. Oh crap I'm blacking out. No! Snap out of it!

I never knew I had a fear of heights, but, well, technically it was more of a fear of falling. Splat. I imagined what my body would look like if I fell from this level. More like the remains of my body. Hm. Okay, focus. I looked up. And stared. And continued to stare.

The view was astounding from this height. I had a really tall tree, and it cowered over the rest. The sun was still rising, its rays illuminating the world below. Forest green melted into golden yellow. The sky glowed pink all around, dotted with birds of various shapes and colours. God's creation, huh? Job well done. I wasn't much of a believer, but this was too beautiful to be created by chance. Hmm. I marveled at the landscape, till I noticed a trail of smoke rising up, polluting the candy pink glow of the sunrise. It was really, quite close to where we were...

Shit. SHIT. Upon further inspection, I realized it was the burning remains of the house. I snapped out of the wondrous views of nature and focused on the one black spot of the absolute divine. It was closer than I thought it would be. Didn't we get away farther than that? And subtracting the distance we walked today, that meant we slept about 200 metres away... From... Them.

My hands started shaking. We could've been caught. We could've been killed, or worse, kept alive. My breath was escalating. I'd rather fall than let them even touch me one more time. Shit. Okay. Focus. Where do we go next? I looked around hastily. No road in sight. Miles upon miles of forest. Nothing. God, didn't anyone think of putting a road here! Fuck. I proceeded to whisper various other curses under my breath.

Wait. Those men. They would've needed a road. Of course. So where is it? Hesitantly, I relented and turned back toward the house. Sure enough, there was a road starting from the ruins, away from us. Yeah. Of course we'd have to backtrack. Of course we chose the wrong direction. Of - fucking - course we'll have to go back in their direction. And they'll be waiting. They'll know we'll have to go back if we stand any chance of survival. The odds were in not in our favour. Even Katniss Everdeen had it better than us. But maybe....

I squinted and tried to see how far the road stretched before turning. Yes! Thankfully, the land was fairly flat. I spotted a dip in the trees running at 90 degrees to the visible road. It was way too uniform to be just regular variability in tree size. The road must split left and right at that point. Unfortunately, it was a tiny bit far away. And did I say tiny? Yeah, I lied. Estimating the distance, I came in at around 70 kilometres. Once again I praised my amazing eyesight. 70 kilometres, huh? Semi circle around the house would be pointless; too long and we'd end up closer to the house then what we could be if we travel in a straight line. Ok. Average human walks at a speed of about 4 kilometres per hour (curse you imperial system), but in our conditions, especially Castiel's, I'd lower that to 2 kilometres. Eight hours of sleeping, minus four hours for breaks, meal times, or heaven knows what other emergencies, and that leaves us with twelve hours of walking time per day. If we turn at a 45° angle right now, the hypotenuse should be just a little over the distance to the fork in the road. So 70-80 ish kilometres, that's.... Holy shit.

Six days.

Six days

Six days.

Will the supplies last? Will we even last? Not trying to offend nature, but nights, and even days, in the wood are dangerous. Without having murderous men searching for us. And I killed three of them. They'll be looking for revenge against me especially... Okay. Calm down. The others are waiting. You need to tell them. We'll need to make rations. And maybe hunt. I groaned. I used to go hunting when I was a kid, with my aunt and uncle. I hated it. But at least I knew the basics. I wondered if Hana and Tom knew how to hunt. Castiel, of course, wouldn't be able to, even if he knew how. And I doubted he would have the energy to teach us if he knew. The pines scratched my back as I slid my way down.

Six days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had two chapters written, so why not update twice today?
> 
> Also, slight stretch of the truth that Mems can see 70 kilometres away.... But hey, the plot needed to advance. Maybe she's not normal.. Maybe she's SUPERnormal.... Supernatural you might even say...


	6. Reveals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The journey continues...

After the tedious climb down, I finally landed on sweet solid ground, utterly spent and exhausted.

Hana and Tom had already packed the bags; they were resting next to Castiel's still sitting body. They were involved in their quiet conversation a few feet away from him. Hmm. I frowned. They were subtly not including him in the discussion. They were arguing about something, Tom trying to convince Hana of something. I didn't like Tom. He helped us escape, but he had a kind of look of self-survival.

I cleared my throat. Everyone turned towards me.  
"There is a road, stretching from the burnt house in the opposite direction from us. It splits into a fork around 70 km from us. If we travel at a diagonal we can reach it in six days."

No one said a word. Saying the words out loud made them real, made them true. We were in need of immediate medical attention and we had to survive for six days in the woods with limited supplies. Things really couldn't get much worse.

Hana was the first to regain composure, close her gaping mouth, and reply, "Will we have the supplies to last?"

"I think we'll need to hunt for food. Water should be good for a couple of days if we ration, hopefully it'll rain soon."

"Hopefully?!" Tom had finally remembered had to talk. "We're going to die out here! Does no one else see that? I say we leave him behind!" He jarred a long finger in Castiel's direction. The latter only groaned. I didn't think he could even hear us and was just absorbed in his own world of pain and torment.

Hana tried to calm Tom down.

"No! Don't tell me that he's 'a human being too'! He'll die anyway, why should we go down with him? In addition, he's gonna need more supplies, more care! Leave him here and we can get to the road in four days! All he does is slow us down," Tom hissed. "Don't you want to go home, away from this hellhole?!"

I might've thought of Tom as slightly attractive before; all similar thoughts vanished in that instance. I could see the crookedness of his face, the ugly emanating from his very being. I wanted to punch the dick. Instead, I calmed myself down. Cause a scene and it'll end up hurting our chances of survival.

Instead, I put on my sweetest smile; I knew the effect it had on men. As desired, Tom immediately dropped his eyes. The bastard deserved it.

"Listen to me, Tom. We are not leaving without that man over there, whether you like it or not. We will drag him if we have to. If he dies, we will find his soul, and bring it back, and save it! And you are going to help him, because if the situation was reversed, we would do the same for you, much as I would love to leave you to rot. Do you understand me? And if you don't agree, feel free to leave. But the packs. Stay. Here." I pronounced each word clearly and carefully, as if he was a mentally disabled person who didn't quite comprehend the world around him.

Tom didn't reply. After a second, he looked up at me, eyes full of rage. But I had won. He knew I was right. He wouldn't survive on his own. I heard him growl from the back of his throat, but he dutifully picked up a pack.

"Let's go then, shall we?" He quietly said. But I didn't mistake his attitude for shyness; it was deadly, like a snake's.

Frustrated at the civil war, Hana picked up the other pack and joined Tom's side. Just Castiel left now.

"Okay, buddy. Come on. Getting up now," I leaned down over him and lifted him from under his shoulders. No one was helping me this time around. The wounds on my stomach screamed in pain. But Castiel was suffering more. His weak frame shuddered as he stood up. He accidentally put pressure on his broken foot, and immediately regretted it. He groaned in agony. Shit.

"Okay, it's okay." I soothed. "Hey, when you were sleeping earlier, I heard you say a name. Dean, wasn't it? You sounded happy, well, more or less. But try focusing on that,"

He closed his eyes in pain, but I think it was more from what I said than his physical injuries.

"N-No," He barely managed. "D-don't remind... Not D-Dean."

Jeez, he was really straining himself. And he seemed so sad too. Did they go through a nasty breakup or something? Been there, done that.

"Okay, okay. No Dean. Just don't talk. Save your energy."

We had started to trot after Tom and Hana, who were already ahead of us. It wasn't obvious, but I thought they put a little more distance between Castiel and me than they did in the morning. I sighed. This was not going to end well for our collective.

I was lost in my own thoughts as we walked, planning the six days.

"Talk," Castiel rasped suddenly, jolting me awake out of my head.

"Hmm?"

I felt bad for asking for a repeat; he was really struggling every time he spoke.

"Please. T-talk. To focus... On some...thing," His voice was deep, quality parched by his wounded throat.

"Okay. Um," What was there to say? Not much, really. I didn't experience many exciting events in my life, well, up until that point. I decided that was enough excitement for a lifetime, maybe too much, even.

"Child...hood," He was going to faint soon. Shit. Okay, yeah. Help him focus on something.

"Okay, well, I was born in Vancouver, and my family and I moved to Victoria when I was two. But, they died soon after. No one ever told me how. I grew up on the island with my aunt and uncle; they were almost like a mum and dad to me. One time, we went fishing, when I was younger. I caught a couple carps, but when I was swinging the pole back, the hook caught on my trousers. I gave myself a wedgie and ended up falling into the water." I chuckled at the memory. Castiel managed an almost painless smile. Good. This was good.

Fingers of clouds moved across the sky, blotting out the brightly shining sun for a few minutes at a time as we walked. I did most of the talking, but Castiel listened intently. His spirits felt lifted, and for a while, I allowed myself to forget about where we were. I imagined myself at the park where I spent so much of my life growing up, chasing geese up the hills, my shoes soaking in mud. The leaves would crinkle beneath my feet during fall, and my heavy snow jacket would stick to my skin in winter. Then spring would come, and I'd gaze at the first flowers peeking up from the thin layer of snow for hours. People would walk by me and chuckle, but I would be lost in my own head, until summer finally came home from its vacation. Oh, the birds. They were marvelous creatures. I drew every single one of them, though the paints never quite matched their perfect blends of colours. When my aunt would arrive after work to pick me up and drive me home, I'd hold her soft hand, grinning hugely. Sometimes, my uncle would come too. He'd lift me up on his back and whirl me round and round till I was shrieking with delight.

When did all of that stop?

Maybe it was the argument. Oh. I had avoided that part of my memory, locked it away and melted the key down before dumping the remains down the river of my subconscious. I stopped talking. I had gone too far. I didn't want to look at those images. I... I-I couldn't.

Castiel looked up at me in confusion when I abruptly shut my mouth in the middle of my sentence. I turned and looked at him apologetically, but made it clear this was something personal.

He didn't reply; maybe he understood, or maybe he was just tired. I sighed. Now I just felt like curling up into a ball on a bed and crying out all my tears, just as I had done for so many painful nights. But I knew that could wait. Just six more days...

Silence stretched between us once more. The clouds grew thicker. I prayed to dear God that it would rain. We would be able to collect the water and get some rest at the same time. Maybe shower while we were at it. I was starting to grow fond of Castiel, but he had quite a stink to him. I knew that I probably didn't smell any better. Oh well.

I closed my eyes and breathed in the humidity. I realized just how long I was kept away from the outside world. Not just what happened recently, but before that, too. The depression, never getting out of bed...

Castiel nudged me. Hana and Tom had stopped and were turned around, looking at us. They had been involved in their own conversation the entire time.

"What's up?" I asked.

"We should set up camp for a while. It'll start to rain, we have to collect the water." Tom answered, his voice monotone. He evaded my eyes and turned around to start unpacking as soon as he finished talking. Hm. Giving me the silent treatment. I was used to that. I knew exactly how it worked, and how to get around it. At it happened, I really didn't care about Tom anymore, so bothering to make up for this morning was something I did not particularly want or would do. If he wanted a strictly survival based relationship, I was more than happy to oblige. Spending time with him wasn't exactly huge on my agenda. Besides, the dick wanted to leave Castiel behind. What kind of human would leave another to die?

I walked Castiel over to a nearby trunk of a tree and began sitting him down.

"N-no," he whimpered.

"Why, what's wrong?" Concern flooded my face.

His, on the other hand, filled with blush. Except that, because his skin was so incredibly pale, he just ended up having a normal skin tone.

"M-my...." He stammered. This wasn't just hard for him to say because his throat hurt; he looked legitimately embarrassed. I almost laughed at his cute expression. Then I understood. Oh. Oh.

"Sorry, I didn't realize." I apologized for my carelessness and stood him upright.

"Do you want to just lean on the tree?"

Castiel nodded, his eyes stinging with tears. How could I not think of this? Those men didn't just beat us and harmed us in all physical ways possible. They raped us. Even Tom seemed to soften a bit in my eyes after my realization. Castiel wouldn't be able to sit for a while. My heart pumped guilt throughout my veins as I thought of all the times I had sat him down without any consideration, and he wasn't able to say anything. Or his other pains screamed over that one. Or... He was afraid. Of me. Shit. A sour feeling filled my chest. I made him feel, like... Those men did... Our day of bonding didn't seem as heartwarming as it did. He was still so afraid.

"How badly does it hurt?" I glumly inquired, slowly leaning the man on the rough, barren skin of the pine. His ass might need medical attention. Fuck. Don't think about that. If I was right, and he was really swimming in deep fear of me, of us all, his privacy was his. Those men wounded him, and he shouldn't receive any sexual contact, even if there was a risk of infection. Double fuck. I told myself not to think about it, but I never listened to the wiser part of my brain anyway. Sadly, the habit constantly ended in regret.

"Not... Good," he groaned as his hips touched the tree. But after some time, he grew accustomed and was able to maintain balance so I could let go of him.

All during our crisis, the clouds above began to condense into tiny droplets of ice cold water. As the first few drops hit the top of my head and my nose, I marveled at their tendency to feel like burning hot metal and a freezing snowstorm at the same time, each on one single tiny spot on top of my body.

Soon, the occasional droplets turned to a water fountain, to a heavy stream of tap water, to whole buckets being poured on the four of us. We had no cover but the branches of the trees above us, and those weren't exactly the best at completing the job. I rummaged through the packs and found the two bottles of water. Placing them in the most open spot not obstructed by the wood, I let them collect water. My hair was already completely wet, the strands falling into my face.

Just like a child, I stuck my tongue out. I didn't even realize how thirsty I was. The water was clean, fresh. It calmed my nerves, washed away the stress and worry. Mmm. I was soon hydrated beyond desire. Castiel had copied me and was now smacking his lips appreciatively. I grinned at the sight. I thought, and if he was able to start recovering, so could I. In fact, so could we all. He smiled back, the cuts around his mouth stretching and twisting. I think he was used to small pangs of pain like that by now, and didn't even flinch. The rain has miraculous healing effects, both body and mind. Although, I was soon starting to shiver. I was wearing nothing but my T-shirt and pants, and as much as I loved the heavens raining down, goosebumps littered the top of my forearms and the back my neck. Castiel would get cold too soon. We had to stay warm.

Okay. Umm. Think. The noise of the rain made it hard to concentrate. The negative emotions flooded my system once more, as if tied to me by an elastic band that would snap back in place once pulled too much.

Shit. Castiel's mood seemed to downgrade as well. I searched through the packs for something. Each one of us had taken a spare shirt, so only one clean shirt and our own dirty rags that used to be clothes were left. I took them out. They blood was dried and made the fabric stiff. Hmm. Might provide some extra protection from the cold, ignoring the incredibly disgusting fact that we'll have to wear our own blood for warmth. I sighed. Castiel can have the clean shirt; he's the weakest and needs to conserve energy. I handed it to him and carefully helped him pull it over his wet head.

I noticed Tom looking at us in distaste. His moral compass was making me angry. Nevertheless, he kept his evil mouth shut. Yeah, he'd better. I threw Hana his and her old shirts. She didn't seem great on the idea, but we were all cold. I put mine on, cringing at the metallic smell. But I was starting to warm up a bit, at least. Wandering over to where Castiel was standing, I crouched down by the base of the tree trunk, folding my legs in under my shirt. Hmm. Castiel wouldn't be able to do that. I used his old shirt to blanket his own feet.

"Thank you," he mouthed down at me.

I smiled. "Anytime."

The water poured on for a little over an hour more by my guess. Our two canteens were overflowing with liquids. This was good. We needed the water.

When the clouds began to disperse, Hana crouched down, closed the two bottles and put them in her pack. I started to get up. Me legs were stiff from sitting in one position for such a long time. I stretched, muscles aching and bruises stabbing. I groaned. I really need to get to a hospital, as soon as possible, really. Then a therapist. Actually, multiple therapist. I'm surprised I can even think fairly straight right now. Three weeks I was with them....

Castiel's eyelids had fluttered opened when he sensed us starting to pack up; he was resting quietly against the tree while the rain was falling.

"Okay?" I asked. He nodded in reply. Once again, I let him support himself on me and shift his weight from the tree. Getting him up and moving was a gruelling process. After a struggle, he was finally able to walk. We trudged onwards for the rest of the day. Castiel's stink was rid of by the rain and an earthy kind of smell was left. I breathed it in. It calmed me down. It was nice, having another human with me right now, except, he didn't smell quite human. There was just something off about him. Hmm. "Maybe he's a vampire," I thought to myself, chuckling a bit at the idea. "My Twilight romance is finally protruding," the sarcastic part of my brain whispered, trying to lighten the mood. I had a skill of making myself cheer up when I wanted. It worked. I spent the next half hour discussing the pro's and con's of the Twilight universe within my head. Then I thought, heck, we don't have anything to do right now except talk, and I'm the only one who can actually physically do that between Castiel and me, so why not include him in the discussion?

"So, here's my problem," I started, Castiel lifting his head up at me in surprise. "There's too much opposition. There are too many hardcore fans and hardcore haters, but only a few in between. I mean, it's a good series, aside from the whole 'sparkling bullshit', but that doesn't mean I can't enjoy some good old fashioned memes offending it. It's like pie, y'know? It tastes good, but who doesn't want to hear a few pie jokes?" Castiel flinched when I said pie, but it was so infinitesimal that I might have just imagined it. "And, besides, it was meant to appeal to girls, so why not enjoy it? Just as long as you don't get too attached. You watch it, then get on with your life, nothing more. You don't buy a fucking life-size pillow of the vampire. Sheesh. That's just creepy. So, I'm just suggesting to treat it like a regular movie; not to hate with your entire existence, but not go crazy over it either," I kept rambling pointlessly for a while, Castiel slowly relaxing, not really caring what I was talking about just as long as there was something to occupy the time.

The sun was setting over the horizon at this point. Cold winds flurried through the trees, and I shivered. But the sunset was spectacular. Pink rays emitted themselves into our faces, blinding me. A warm aura wrapped itself around my body, relaxing my muscles but doing nothing to stave off the cold. Nevertheless, I basked in the light. Night would be soon upon us, meaning... Sleep. It was becoming a terrifying ordeal.

I pushed the thoughts out of my head. 'Don't get too excited there Mems,' my subconscious smirked. God, she was an asshole. Perfect to occupy the mind of shit like me. OK, lock away the self-esteem issues. I'll deal with it later.

Tom and Hana had stopped and began unpacking the packs. When we reached them, Hana handed us each some crackers for dinner. They tasted dry and too salty, but I gulped them down anyway, desperate to calm my now apparent hunger.

"You guys should get some rest. I'll take first watch," she said.

Just what I needed; a quick escape into my world of nightmares. It was closer than I wanted it to be. I should've asked for first watch earlier.

I crouched down onto my knees slowly, taking Castiel down with me. We managed to get him into a lying position, on his side, just as the last of the sun's rays disappeared over the visible horizon. Sulkily, I lied down beside him, begging for a dream-less night.

But the heavens, as always, didn't listen.

 

  
The body I was in wasn't mine. Well, not my present one. I was thin, so thin, and shorter than I was used to. Around 16, I'd say. Shit. No, not this one. Please not this dream. Please. The other one. Please, I don't want to see this. Fuck.

As always, my movements were not in my control. I hate this memory. It was kept at bay for a while, so why was it resurfacing again? Please, just turn around.

Nay, my thin hands pushed open the oak door. My uncle was on the velvet couch, sitting by the fireplace. That couch. Bile constricted my throat, and I had an overwhelming urge to puke. Anger and fear flooded my system at the same time, but my face smiled, happy to see the man who used to be like a father to me. Last chance to run away. I used all my will power to change the course of what happened. Nope. I just kept smiling as the man told me to close the door and lock it. I was a bit confused at the time as to why he wanted it locked, but now, only terror coursed through my veins. My hands shook as I closed the door and twisted the knob to lock it. No getting out now.

"Sit down," he said, voice warm and gentle, but I wasn't fooled this time. I knew what he wanted. Again, I almost puked. I knew this was a dream, but it felt pretty damn real, and no matter how much I tried, I was never able to wake up from a nightmare. It was as if there was an anchor tying me to this state of unconsciousness which I feared so.

My uncle patted the spot on the couch beside him, gesturing me to sit, pulling me towards him, as much as I didn't want to. I gulped, but my past self was not afraid at all. Careless. Trusting. Naive. I cursed myself.

My bottom tingled as I sat down, the leather smooth to the point of discomfort. Of course, there were other reasons why I was so uncomfortable right now.

My uncle's breath reeked of whiskey; shit. I had tried for years to forget that smell. Please, please wake up.

He placed his hand on my knee, fingers wrapping in towards my inner thigh. I froze as soon as he touched me. The urge to vomit was overwhelming, but I couldn't do it. I physically couldn't. This was not how the story would go.

"I'm very proud of you, you know? You've grown into a beautiful young woman." He coaxed. My past self suddenly caught up, after an eternity.

"Maybe, I sh-should go get Auntie," I stammered.

"Now, why would we want to do that, baby? We should spend more bonding time together, alone, like this. What do you say?"

I tried lying: "Yeah, s-sure, but, I have homework. Its quite a lot for tomorrow. I should probably just go-" I started to stand up but his grip on my knee tightened.

"Homework can wait, sweetie," he said, though his voice was rough and menacing.

 

I heard whispering and shuffling. This wasn't part of the memory. The sounds were coming from the world where I was just asleep. This wasn't in my head. Please, please, wake up. I jolted myself. My sleep was fading. Yes! It was working! I was waking up. Please, get me away from this nightmare. I watched as I started floating up, my uncle never breaking his gaze from me. But I didn't care. I was escaping into the land of the living. I kept rising, up, up, until I finally cracked the surface.

My eyes opened. Darkness surrounded me. Abruptly, I sat up, then winced at the pain in my stomach wounds. Shit. Wait. Did I just wake up? I almost laughed. My skin prickled from the cold air, and my throat was parched, but I didn't care. I was free, at least for now. This night brought minimal terror, for once. Eyes slowly adjusting, I looked around myself, desperate to thank whatever woke me up.

I was stunned at what I saw.

Hana and Tom were crouching a little way from Castiel and me. Tom had a pack slung over his shoulder and was whispering something to Hana. She in turn, was nodding along, expression perhaps a little regretful, and packing the second one, taking things in and out and rearranging them so they fit.

They both looked up when I sat up. The relief I had earlier felt drained out and evaporated into the forest air.

"What's this?" I inquired, perhaps a little forcefully to hide the rising panic in my throat.

Tom eyes me, eyes deadly, the corners of his mouth raised up in a sneer that had a hint of pity hidden behind it. Like a cruel teenager taking a doll from a toddler.

Hana gulped and replied, "Tom and I talked and... We're leaving."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cliffhanger... (Sorry for any grammar/English mistakes that I didn't catch)


	7. Old Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new perspective.

Pain spiked throughout my body. I never expected humans to be able to be in so much torture. Maybe Father was crueler than I remembered. He's been gone for so long...

At least there's help. They got me out. I don't know how in heaven they managed it, but they did.

They were my real friends. Sam, Dean.... Don't think about that. I found a long time ago that not thinking about them was much less painful. But the thoughts kept coming back. Especially now. Would Mems, Hana, Tom leave me like they did? Do people just use me, then leave? Sam and Dean, they used my angel mojo, Metatron used my grace, and... They. They used my vessel, my body. I had nothing left, nothing left to use, so maybe Mems won't leave me. But I thought I had nothing left when I became human, and those men still used me. Humans are remarkably creative beings. Why? I knew Lucifer thought they were corrupt, but I never believed him. I didn't know to what extent they were broken. And cruel. Evil.

I heard hushed whispering. I was sleeping on something soft. That was new after all those months of hard concrete. My hand felt leaves. Cold, wet leaves, but the earthly smell filled my lungs. Or what was left of them. I marveled at my ability to still breath. Mem's casts and handiworks felt tight around my chest, as if they were the only thing holding me together. 

More whispering. My derailed thoughts snapped back to what I was hearing. Not even bothering to open my eyes, for it took too much energy, I listened. 

"We aren't taking everything. We were going to leave you half."

"Yeah, bullshit." I vaguely recognized this voice as Mem's. 

"We really are sorry. But Tom thinks we should split up. It's for the best." A woman's voice. Probably Hana's. She was siding with Tom. Along with a pang of despair, I felt admiration too. She wouldn't leave him alone. Even when he planned to leave me, she decided to go with him when Mems told Tom to go on his own. It wasn't such a cruel act though, Tom wanting to leave me. At this point, I'd really rather just lay down and die already. It hurts too much. I just want it to stop.

"Which weapons do you guys want?" Mem's voice. It was tight, restrained.

"It's fair to leave the batons with Castiel, he needs them. So there's the gun and the dagger left. It's understandable if you guys want the gun-"

"No," Mems interrupted quickly, sounding a bit more raw than before. Panicky. "We'll have the dagger."

A moment of silence.

"OK then," Hana replied. "The food is already split.... So..."

Someone was getting up. I heard scuffling noises. They're leaving. Is Mems staying behind? Why? I almost opened my mouth and urged her to go with them. Leave me alone. What would happen if we even got out of the woods safely? If we reached a city and I healed? Where would I go? No life, no home. Sam and Dean wouldn't take me back; they were the ones who kicked me out in the first place. They don't want me. I seized at the thought, eyes wetting. No. Don't cry. I've cried before. It resulted in a kick in the chest. No point in crying. No one cares anyway. No. Shut up. Stay quiet. Pretend you're asleep. No one bothers you if you're asleep. 

I kept talking to myself for hours, making myself go numb to the emotions battling inside of me. But no matter how hard I tried, one word kept coming back to me. So much betrayal and misery and grief came with that word, and it never went away.

Dean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really short chapter, but it gets the point across. Change of narrator is always nice to write about too.


	8. Daggers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Out of the frying pan, into the fire...

Those bastards.

I didn't really care about Tom being inhuman. But I trusted Hana. I had thought she would help us all get through this. Turns out I was just gullible and naive.

Just like I was so many years ago....

I groaned. Get it out of your head. Get it out of your head.

My other half of mind whispered, "I know what would make you feel better...."

I wish I had a stronger will. I wish I was like those heroes in books and movies. The ones who were so strong. But I'm not strong. I'm not.

I willingly submitted to my desires, no, addictions.

It was around four in the morning. I was tired. After the fiasco with Hana and Tom, I was mentally drained. And physically. Walking was an exerting task. Especially while carrying another human being.

"Just a few more days," I whispered to myself.

Castiel was sleeping beside where I was leaning against the tree. He appeared to be in a fetus position, except that his wounds prevented him from curling up completely. It resulted in a quite strange and lopsided position. But his breathing was calm. At least his mind wasn't hellish.

He'd survive this. He was strong.

My eyes were really starting to close. I couldn't keep watch like this. And I felt bad for Castiel. He was so injured, he needed the sleep more than me. But I was so tired....

With a sigh, I reached down and patted his shoulder.

"Castiel," I yawned.

He stirred and made a small guttural noise at the back of his throat, but nevertheless kept sleeping. Hmm.

"Castiel," I said louder.

This time, Castiel said something back. It was very faint, I almost couldn't distinguish the single word. A name. Dean, sounded like.

What happened between those two? It seems Castiel cares for him so much, but something horrible happened, something cruel. Otherwise he wouldn't look so sad whenever it was mentioned.

I'd hate for something that bad to happen to anyone, especially Castiel, who is just so afraid right now.

Hmm. But at least he's waking up now.

Slowly, dreadfully slowly, he opened his crusty eyes. Must've been a good sleep. Although, the bags under his eyes were still prominent as hell. Might be a long while before he gets back the sleep he missed.

"Why- why do humans need so much sleep?" His voice was deep and sounded more like a groan, cracking several times during that sentence alone, but at least he's talking more.

"Sheesh, are you an alien or something?" I chuckled. His brows furrowed, creating a small upside down "v" on top of his rounded nose.

"No, I'm not an alien," he said, quite confused. "And I don't believe I'm familiar with the term 'sheesh'."

I cracked a smile. This guy was pure comedy.

"Yeah, okay, get up Alien-Boy its my turn to nap."

"Didn't I tell you my name? It's Castiel."

"Yeah, but that's kind of a mouthful. Is Cas okay?"

"Its a shortened version of my name. My friends-" he abruptly stopped himself, biting his lip and looking down. "Yeah, it's okay," he said after a while.

Great. That was probably the quickest mood swing I've ever seen, even considering my teenage years. OK. Drop the subject. He should concentrate on something else.

"Cakes. Just give me a couple hours. Yell or push me if there's any danger." I started to lie down. Just looking at his face told me he was already deep in thought. Not good.

"Hey," I said, softening my voice, "if there's anything bothering you, just- it'll get better." Even to my own ears I sounded like a sentimental instagram post. Jeez. Castiel just cocked his head to the side in confusion, the small "v" forming again as he squinted his eyes in a signature way. I sighed. Maybe he _was_  actually an alien. Oh well.

I laid my head back on the soft ground, closed my eyes, and waited for my breath to even out.

In...out...in...out...in...out...in....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for long delay! My tablet broke down and erased everything, and then I had to order a new one and retype everything. I split the long chapter I had into smaller ones, just for the sake of updating something. The least I could do. I'm planning to update again later today or tomorrow.
> 
> As always, enjoy!


	9. Breakfast at Space Tiffany's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Despite the all the crap, things could be looking up...

I woke up to the sound of birds chirping. It was a nice sound. Calming. I reveled in it while my body attempted to hold on to as much sleep as possible.

Eventually, the morning high began to life, and I could think clearer. Oh shit. Right, we're in a bit of a situation. It'd be nice to just lie down and sleep forever...

No. Mems. Get a hold of yourself. You got Castiel to think about. Now's not the time to be selfish.

My eyes fluttered open. Not registering anything but the sudden bright light at first, they quickly adjusted to see Castiel, sitting upright against a tree, staring into space, frozen in time. 

OK, time to get up. I gave a massive yawn as I sat up, smacking my lips to get the dryness out. Another day. Another godforsaken day. 

"Whatcha thinking about?" I said, voice still rough from sleep. 

No reply. 

Silence stretched between us. 

Fuck, this is serious. I quickly climbed onto all fours and crawled over to him. 

"Hey, Cas, buddy. You can tell me, if anything's bothering you."

His gaze finally shifted onto my persistent eyes, still concentrated and in thought. 

After a moment, "I have been thinking for the few hours while you were asleep, and I've found no answer. Why did you suddenly mention cakes earlier today?"

I waited a moment to register this. Was he serious? He looked it. Sheesh, Alien-Boy. I rolled my eyes and sat back down.

"Its my way of saying 'okay'," I explained, slightly annoyed at him for scaring me for a second there. 

He cocked his head to the side in that funny way he does, asking for more information.

I sighed. "The work first started out as 'okay', then turned into 'OK', as in the letters. Then people just started saying 'K' to shorten it even more, which evolved into 'KK'. Don't ask, English is weird. And 'KK' sounds like 'cakes', so I just say that."

"Seems like an awful lot of trouble for expressing your simple agreement."

"Yeah, well, humans have quirks. I'd think a student from Mars would have done his research."

Another cock of the head. Dammit, not Mars. Cross that off the list. 

"Anyway, breakfast?" I asked.

As if on cue, his stomach growled in apprehension. He looked down at it, as if both fascinated and annoyed at his digestive system. Hmm. Maybe Jupiter?

I got up and rifled through our remaining pack, tossing him a can of bean soup and a spoon while taking the same for myself as well. Ugh. I never really liked beans. 

We ate in comfortable silence. Everything seemed comfortable around Castiel. Maybe, this is what friendship feels like. I had forgotten.

"Why's that dagger red?" He interrupted my train of thought.

"Huh?"

He gestured toward the pack. "The dagger. It's red. Wasn't before," he said between spoonfuls of soup.

I turned and looked. Sure enough, the dagger was peeking out. 

"Hmm. Probably used by... Them," I carefully avoided more details, for both of our sakes. "You probably just didn't notice the blood..."

I got up and retrieved the blade. A few drops of blood were frozen on the side. I ran it through the moist ground and dead leaves, effectively cleaning off the gore.

And the memories of how it got there in the first place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Change of mood, and Castiel's talking!


	10. Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A decision. To tell or not to. The consequences could be massive.

Our lives have become nothing but endless woods. It felt as though that was it. Nothing else in the world. No escape. It reminded me of my time in Purgatory. Hopeless. Always walking on without thought or reason. Thank Father that there were no monsters here. Well, those men...

My body shivered. At least, at least I have Mems. Castiel, ground yourself. At least you are not alone.

But what happens if we get out? What then? She will leave me, and then I will be alone. Completely. I can't go back to Heaven, and the bunker... Rather just bleed out and die. No one will take me back. And Mems will leave. Just like Dean, just like Dean making me leave.

Pains in my stomach from those memories. Dean was there with me in Purgatory. He promised to take me home. He promised. But I knew now it was only for my powers. He didn't care. And when I became human, he just-

Can't think anymore.

Luckily, Mems saved me from my own head.

"Come on, we better get going. Need as much daylight time as possible."

I nodded silently and we both started packing, me doing the lesser work because if my injuries. How I wish I was an angel. How do humans survive like this? It is pure cruelty.

Soon, our bag was packed and we were walking again. This hateful task, trudging through the dead leaves and broken branches. Nothing but that. Never ending expanses of dirt. Just keep moving forward. Keep moving.

I suddenly felt a very real tug in my bladder. I groaned in frustration. She looked at me sideways, concerned.

"What's wrong?" She asked.

Rolling my eyes, I replied, "I have to urinate."

The lines on her face smoothed a little and she snickered. We walked over to the nearest tree and she set down the pack.

"Want me, to like, turn around?"

"Why are you smiling?"

"I find this amusing."

"How so?" I intrigued.

"I'm human, Alien-Boy."

Hmm. The extraterrestrials I've met thus far would not survive in Earth's atmosphere.

"Turn around," I simply sighed.

"Sure thing," she sang as she twirled and faced the other way.

How does her spirit remain so optimistic at times like these?

Finishing up, I zipped my pants back up.

"Done?" She asked.

"Do you ever tire of urinating?" I muttered under my breath.

"Oh yeah, every day. Shitting too. Its fucking annoying man," she joked, grabbing the pack.

I grinned. Dean used to make jokes like that... No. Stop. Why do you ruin everything? Exasperated, I started to move again, Mems at my side, idly chattering about nothing in particular. I liked listening to her voice. It was steady, confident. Kept the bad thoughts at bay.

That's what I've been calling them. Anything about my past, my old life. Anything about those... Men. Bad thoughts. Bad thoughts. Claw them out of my head.

Maybe, maybe Mems could help. What if I told her? What if I told her about being an angel? No. How would she understand? She wouldn't even believe me. So many people have lost faith since the Beginning.

Or maybe... Just maybe. She could help. She could help clear my head. That was all I wanted. It was all I needed. I needed it desperately. I needed to stop. Stop. Stop... Please.

"Mems," I interrupted, my voice nothing but a soft whisper.

She looked over, concern flooding her face again. 

"Everything okay?" Her tone had immediately and completely morphed into warmth and encouragement. I envied her ability to be so reassuring, comforting. It reminded me of motherhood. I remember Eve, slowly rocking her sleeping baby in her arms, quietly murmuring a lullaby. Mems reminded me of that lullaby.

I gulped, wincing slightly as my parched throat protested in pain. Slowly, very slowly, I opened my mouth and uttered the words. Those dreaded, bloodstained words.

"I have to tell you... Before becoming mortal, I- I was an Angel of the Lord."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another Castiel POV. Sorry for really long delay... Hope this makes up for it :) As always, hope you enjoyed!

**Author's Note:**

> First fic, hope you enjoyed it!
> 
> Thanks a lot to Rosewhipped and her fan fiction "Long Exposure". It inspired this work. Check out that fic and her other stuff too, y'all will like it!
> 
>  
> 
> Link to "Long Exposure": http://archiveofourown.org/works/7752889/chapters/17677810


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